Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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