Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
