We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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