So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
