dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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