When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
