this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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