Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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