you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
