Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
sarcasm needs its own font
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
