I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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