That's intense
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just want to make out with him forever
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
