everyone is single if you try hard enough
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
