i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
