I skipped work to stalk him.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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