I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Walk of Shame today included voting.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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