pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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