3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
