he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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