Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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