Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
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Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
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It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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