I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
be right there i have to get my cape
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
