I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
