Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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