the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
