he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
