I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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