I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
