Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
