Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You can't motorboat a personality
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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