She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
