Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
