she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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