there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
