why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
