This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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