dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
