Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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