There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
