Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
