OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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