Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
