the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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