HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
