I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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