there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
