i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
