Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
the liver wants what the liver wants
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
