i don't plan on having that self control this summer
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
