guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
