Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
please come you make the beer taste better
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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