it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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