I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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