girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
