i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
