so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
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