Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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