Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
