if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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