Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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