'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Pooping to opera.
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