I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
