he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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