I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
