Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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