why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
