she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
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You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
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We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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