I got chris browned last night
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
