my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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