Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
